Duped

November 1, 2018
New York Times contributor Ellin (Teenage Waistland: A Former Fat Kid Weighs in on Living Large, Losing Weight, and How Parents Can (and Can't) Help, 2005) investigates the art and science of duplicity.The author's fascination with liars and lying developed after a failed romance with "The Commander," an ex-Navy Seal who claimed to be the high-level CIA operative mastermind behind the raid on Osama bin Laden. Dazzled by his charm and doctor credentials, Ellin believed everything he said. When she realized that her lover had been lying about everything from his personal status--he was engaged to another woman during their relationship--to his income, she broke off their involvement. The author then began exploring how and why society regards those taken in by con artists "with scorn, derision, even blame." Drawing from research studies, interviews, and her own experiences, Ellin probes the phenomenon of lying. She begins with the premise that human beings are "social chameleons" who inhabit a "deceit spectrum." Some lie to escape their own lives while others do it for predatory reasons. Still others, like the notorious British double agent Kim Philby, do it for professional reasons. Comparing her own experience to those of other victims, Ellin learned that the feelings of betrayal victims feel are often so intense that they can result in PTSD. For women, who, the author argues, feel betrayal more deeply than men, it can have the same traumatizing effects "as sexual assault." Of course, females are every bit as deceitful as males, although society does not forgive them as easily as it does men. In the end and regardless of gender, people involved with con artists are complicit in their own victimization because they allow "willful blindness" or "self-doubt [to cloud] their suspicions." Candid and entertaining, Ellin's book offers insight into the socially and psychologically complex nature of deceit as well as the choices she made as a duped woman.Lively, provocative reading.

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March 1, 2019

Journalist Ellin (Teenage Waistland) was poised to marry the Commander, a former Navy SEAL and CIA operative who'd swept her off her feet only months before their engagement. But as their wedding approached, Ellin discovered that the Commander was nearly none of the things he claimed to be--and that he was, in fact, engaged to another woman. In an effort to understand her experience, Ellin delved into the world of people living double lives, using research and interviews to show how we learn to lie and what happens to us when we do. Ellin maintains a strong focus on the "dupee," as she grapples with society's scorn of those who've been duped as well as her own inability to see the warning signs. The author's writing shines when exploring this topic, and her candid admissions and conversational tone make for an entertaining and thought-provoking narrative. For readers looking for a more in-depth account, numerous references to additional research on the topic are provided. VERDICT Pop psychology fans and adventurous book clubs will be at home here. Recommended for public libraries.--Anitra Gates, Erie Cty. P.L., PA

Copyright 2019 Library Journal, LLC Used with permission.

December 1, 2018
After Ellin moves to Washington, D.C., to live with her fianc�, the Commander (as she exclusively refers to him)?fortunately, before she actually marries him?she discovers that he is not who he says he is, and his stories of "secret missions" are completely fabricated. She cannot believe she didn't see the warning signs, and she's ashamed of falling for it. But soon she discovers that she is not the only person to find herself in such a position. As a matter of fact, there are many stories similar to hers. Ellin features several of them here, delving into the world of duplicity, the psychology of lying, and we humans' generally trusting nature that makes us perfect targets. The author's hybrid of memoir and journalism works well for general readers, keeping things engaging and witty even as she misses the mark with some of her humor. A timely book for folks who wonder how we ended up in this post-truth world as well as readers of books like A Beautiful, Terrible Thing (2017) by Jen Waite.(Reprinted with permission of Booklist, copyright 2018, American Library Association.)