Maybe I Will

February 11, 2013
Sandy has two close friends, Callie and Troy; immediate plans to audition for the lead in the high school musical, Peter Pan; and dreams that include Juilliard, Hollywood, and Broadway. But after Sandy is sexually assaulted by Callie’s boyfriend, Sandy’s life unravels. Sandy starts to steal and abuse alcohol, lies to everyone about what happened, and becomes isolated. Sandy’s supportive and concerned parents try to help, but seeing a “psycho therapist” is the last thing Sandy wants. Sandy’s gender is never revealed to readers, a decision intended to make the teenager’s experience more universal, but which instead keeps the character at a distance, despite Sandy also being the narrator. A new friend, Shanika, introduces Sandy to tae kwon do, which helps, but true recovery is impossible until Sandy faces the incident head-on. Gray (Summer Sanctuary) draws from her professional experience with teens in this fast-moving and emotional story. While readers may empathize with Sandy’s pain and recognize the value in seeking counsel from family and professionals alike, wooden dialogue and the characters’ overall artificiality keep the book from realizing its full potential. Ages 13–18.

February 15, 2013
Before the sexual assault, Sandy was an upbeat, Shakespeare-loving teen with two close friends and ambitions of pursuing theater at Juilliard. After, nothing makes sense. Sandy's friend Cassie, whose boyfriend Aaron perpetrated the assault, believes Aaron's story over Sandy's, and Sandy's other friend, Troy, sides with Cassie. Sandy's attempts to cope with the depression and anxiety brought on by the incident range from positive (joining new friend Shanika's taekwondo class) to destructive (stealing vodka from a local store to support a very quickly developed psychological dependency). Reactions to Sandy's situation also run a believable gamut: Cassie and Troy's rejection, Shanika's disclosure of information about another assault on Aaron's part, a police officer's essential accusation that Sandy is lying, Sandy's parents' display of support and concern. Sandy is written so as to be readable as either male or female, and while this device is somewhat effective, it also robs the story of some valuable specificity. Might not Cassie react differently to hearing that her boyfriend has assaulted a female friend versus a male friend? Wouldn't a male Sandy question or consider his sexual orientation after the incident differently than a female one? Despite some gaps in Sandy's internal experience, however, the book's portrayal is largely successful, and the note it hits at the end is hopeful without being unrealistic. A careful treatment of a difficult topic. (Fiction. 14-18)

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May 1, 2013

Gr 9 Up-Sandy plans to audition for the school's production of Peter Pan. Never identified as male or female, the aspiring actor loves performing and intends to go to Juilliard for a degree in drama. Sandy has two close friends: Cassie and Troy. When Cassie's boyfriend, Aaron, sexually assaults Sandy, the teen becomes depressed, turns to alcohol, begins to shoplift, and pulls away from Cassie and Troy. Sandy develops a new friendship with Shanika and is introduced to tae kwon do, which helps a little, but it is not until the teen's parents eventually learn of the troubles and become involved that recovery is possible. The author intentionally does not identify Sandy's gender to demonstrate that neither sex is immune to trauma, but this device hinders readers' ability to fully connect with the character. The narrative never truly resonates with readers because of their inability to empathize with Sandy.-Melissa Stock, Arapahoe Library District, Englewood, CO

Copyright 2013 School Library Journal, LLC Used with permission.

July 1, 2013
A startling act of sexual violence and its far-reaching ramifications ground the story of Sandy's descent into self-doubt and alcohol abuse. While overwrought Shakespeare references and Sandy's rapid unmooring undermine the story, a surprising revelation reframes the book in ways both captivating and unique. Moving beyond sex to address relationships, homophobia, and gender identity, Gray poses important questions.

(Copyright 2013 by The Horn Book, Incorporated, Boston. All rights reserved.)